This is what happens when a 2 1/2 yr. old gets up early and goes 90 miles an hour all day long.
Monday, March 24, 2008
Monday, March 17, 2008
Beyond Conspiracy NOW!
So I just told Dane it was almost time to lay down and he turned to Hunter and said "Ca Ca - mama said I have to go nigh-nigh"
Hunter said "I DON'T CARE!" and Dane said, "Help me - mama's crazy!" LMFAO
He's right you know- I am crazy!
Hunter said "I DON'T CARE!" and Dane said, "Help me - mama's crazy!" LMFAO
He's right you know- I am crazy!
Conspiracy
I am sitting like 3 1/2 feet away from the boys and they are whispering about how their cartoon ended and they weren't going to tell me so I wouldn't make them lay down yet. LMAO - smart kids :)
MAD PROPS!
So I know I said I was going shopping earlier...but I decided to be (slightly) productive before hand.
See what I can do!
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Yep, that's caulk you see on that tub. Aren't you impressed by my mad caulking skills.
BARGAIN ALERT: Only cost $2.27 for the caulk!
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So, I painted the letters for the baby AND painted white rectangles AND hung up the letters AND hung up the new curtains - Don't you wish you were as talented as me! (I am so so so glad Jamie didn't name the baby something long like Ricardo or JimBobJoe because 4 letters/rectangles was MORE than enough!)
BARGAIN ALERT: The letters and paint only cost around $10.00 and I got the entire bedding set (sheet, blanket, diaper stacker, 2 curtains, toy holder and bumper for $32!)
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Yeah - I rock!
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OH - and in case you were wondering...yes, it took me longer to take pics, upload and type up a blog than it did to caulk the tub and hang the letters. LMAO
What to do....
So - I have a lot of things I could do today (such as cleaning *ew* picking up *ew* laundry *ew* dishes *ew*) but I think I may go shopping! Doesn't that sound like fun!
Sunday, March 16, 2008
This lady rocks...
This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the "curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills'. Isn't the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter.
Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable?
Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise
I will keep.
Always. . .
Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the "curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills'. Isn't the human body amazing?
As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter.
Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable?
Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?
Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise
I will keep.
Always. . .
Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX
Just because they are "family" should you like them?
There are people in my family that are questionable to my likeage and I kinda feel guilty... I am all for my blood relatives (well, at least all of the ones that have any idea I have a blog -lol) but some of the married-in folk-- not so much.
I have a little bit of a guilty conscious about this because I know how everyone loves and adores me (YOU KNOW YOU DO!) so shouldn't I bestow my love upon them too?
;) Naw, I didn't think so either ;)
I have a little bit of a guilty conscious about this because I know how everyone loves and adores me (YOU KNOW YOU DO!) so shouldn't I bestow my love upon them too?
;) Naw, I didn't think so either ;)
How many bucks?
Apparently kids have minds of their own, who woulda thunk!?!? So we went to a friends house the other day and when we pulled in Hunter asked me "Mama, how many bucks did this house cost?"
I kinda giggled and said, "I have no idea Hunter, why?"
"Yes you do Mama, it's right there on the house" and he proceeds to point to the address.
I was lmao and kindly explained that wasn't "how many bucks" it cost, but it was the address of the house. Meanwhile, I am searching for houses that have an address such as "123" or "29" or something small to test his theory :)
I kinda giggled and said, "I have no idea Hunter, why?"
"Yes you do Mama, it's right there on the house" and he proceeds to point to the address.
I was lmao and kindly explained that wasn't "how many bucks" it cost, but it was the address of the house. Meanwhile, I am searching for houses that have an address such as "123" or "29" or something small to test his theory :)
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Friday, March 7, 2008
Kitchen Bitch
This is the BEST joke ever!!
A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying, 'All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now...cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses inthe train...cause we're going down the tracks.'
The horrified mother went in and told her son, 'We don't use thatkind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train...but I want you touse nice language.'
Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroomand resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say...'All passengers, please remember your things, thank you and hope yourtrip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon.'
She heard her little darling continue...'For those of you justboarding, remember, there is no smoking in the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.'
As the mother began to smile, the child added, 'For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen..'
A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying, 'All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now...cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bitches who are getting on, get your asses inthe train...cause we're going down the tracks.'
The horrified mother went in and told her son, 'We don't use thatkind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train...but I want you touse nice language.'
Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroomand resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say...'All passengers, please remember your things, thank you and hope yourtrip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon.'
She heard her little darling continue...'For those of you justboarding, remember, there is no smoking in the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today.'
As the mother began to smile, the child added, 'For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the bitch in the kitchen..'
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
Well, it's official....
Out of all of my accomplishments in life - one of the biggest was today. I helped a friend get out of an awful marriage and it was official today! He is much better off and I just want to say "Yea, Yea - the BITCH IS GONE!" Of course my contribution of getting knocked up wasn't purposely put into place to sabotage their marriage but I am taking full credit!
For those of you confused, please reference my older post here.
Congrats E! You rock!
For those of you confused, please reference my older post here.
Congrats E! You rock!
Punching doors = not good
Soooooooo, I was rolling over in bed last night b/c I CAN'T get comfortable unless I am on my belly and well, being 28 weeks preggo it's more like balancing on a basketball so that just doesn't work. So I was doing one of my 1800 flips and this time I grabbed the blanket to go with me b/c Hunter is in bed with us rolling around. Well, as I roll I yank the blanket and PUNCHED the bedroom door. That is not something that is fun to do just in case you were wondering.
Amnesia...
I was talking to my mom this morning and I asked her if she had seen the new show Amnesia. She said no so I started to tell her about it. THEN she says, "oh yeah, I've seen that show!" I laughed my ass off --- how do you forget/get amnesia about watching a show called Amnesia.
Mad Props to ya Mom - Love ya lots!
Mad Props to ya Mom - Love ya lots!
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